Clubs

I'm not a club kinda guy. No, I don't mean night clubs or even dance clubs. I'm talking about civic organization clubs. Never belonged to one, probably never will. Whats the first kind of civic clubs a kid is introduced too? That would be the Cub Scouts. I remember way back when I was in elementary school some of my town friends were in the Cub Scouts. The Cub Scouts were the introduction to the Boy Scouts. And as we got older those same friends graduated up to Boy Scouts. They would wear their fresh pressed blue uniforms with their yellow kerchiefs around their necks. Their shirts sported sewn on badges of various levels completed. Master knot maker, bow and arrow sharpsman, the wilderness survival badge. The more badges, the more knowledgeable the scout. I remember going to a couple soap box derby car races and thought that was about the coolest thing ever. I so wanted to be a scout. I asked my parents, "Mom, Dad, can I join the Boy Scouts?" Parents, "no." Me, "why?" Them, "because." My interrogation would continue. Soon, I was told to hush up about it and don't ask again! I, not a fond fan of pain, obliged. A couple of times later when we were all happy somewhere or out doing something I would GENTLY bring it up again. "Your not going to join the Boy Scouts because we're not sure what they teach or what they believe in. Plus, we live to far away from town and we don't have the time to be running to town every other day to take you to more then likely something that would try to indoctrinate you with things that go against our beliefs." So I never became a Boy Scout. Fast forward to high school. In a effect to gets us primed up to the notion of belonging to a civic organization suddenly we are bombarded with clubs to sign up for. There was Future Farmers of America, Future Nurses of America, Future Business Leaders of America and the Future Homemakers of America (for the less motivated students), and the one we didn't have but probably should have had, the Future Career Criminals of America. Add to that the Science Club, the Spanish Club, the Varsity Club, the Spirit Club, the Drama Club and the Debate Club. If none of those interested you, you could also choose from band, choir or a sport of some sort. If you liked sports but didn't want to participate there was also cheer leading. Every possible option and interest was covered, except for the career criminal one but they wouldn't have attended anyway, they were to busy committing crimes. I personally, choose band and football. I stayed away from those clubs that might have had a hidden agenda of some sort. I mean, if the Boy Scouts are teaching and preaching something dangerous then who's to say these other groups aren't. I steered clear thank you. Then, when you graduate your hit with even more choices of civic organizations to join. There's the Rotary Club, the Kiwanis Club, those famous animal clubs including the Moose Lodge, the Elks Club, the Lions Club,which, by the way, had a spin off when the wives of the Lions got sick of their men having all the fun and started their own club called the Lioness Club, the Odd Fellows Charity Lodge, the Masonic Lodge, the Rebekah Lodge, it's cousin the Morning Star Lodge, the Shriner's, the VFW, the Daughters of the American Revolution and my town I'm from had a Grange Hall so I guess the members of that club called themselves the Grangers? I guess I'm programmed to become suspicious when these organizations announce Secret Members Only Meeting this Tuesday evening at 7. Doors will close promptly so don't be late. My first question is why is it all behind closed doors? Why do members greet each other with a strange handshake while making a nasally, bleating noise like a sheep or goat? And what REALLY takes pace behind those doors once they close? Drunken orgies where fruit is eaten and vast amounts of alcohol are consumed while men in their late sixties and early seventies attack and violate the women in attendance? The women not fighting it but actually ENCOURAGING it? Or do they turn all the lights off and light candles and don black robes and chant while Earl brings in the adult chickens and they all take turns piercing their fowl bodies until they lay dead and all of their blood in drained out of their lifeless poultry bodies. Then when the blood has stopped flowing they turn the lights back on and have refreshments before the meeting for that week is adjourned. And what if the people over at the Rotary Club were really planning a global world takeover and they are just buying time until their main leader gives the word and they leap into action and start with the overturn of the US government? These are the main reasons I don't belong to any civic organizations.