Today is my 1000th day of being tobacco free. Why do I say it like that? Cause for 28 years I used some form of tobacco. When we were kids we would do snuff or chew. Rub Hawkins, chew Redman. As I got older it was cigarettes. By 16 I was completely hooked. I smoked every brand out there at one time or another. I was a menthol guy and Newport's were the love of my life at one point. Nothing was quite as satisfying as a Newport. Fast forward about eleven years to 1994. My son Lorenzo was born and I knew I had to quit smoking cause I certainly didn't want to be lighting up around him so I decided to stop smoking and I would do it by using snuff to get me through the withdrawals of the cigs and slowly wean myself off of nicotine. Wrong! As I started solely dipping, I thought to myself, this is pretty easy. No withdrawals, no cravings, things were just like normal. I did miss a good pull of a newport though but no biggy. I wasn't smoking so I was kicking the habit right? No, sadly to say. I soon was more addicted to the dip then I was to the cigarettes. I had started off using a brand called Kodiak which was marketed as "Wintergreen" and really had a good taste ( I know what your thinking but it really did!!) but after a few years of using that my gums started burning so I switched to a different brand called Copenhagen. That was like the heroin of tobacco. It had more nicotine in it then any other dip did and one "plug" had 4 times as much nicotine as a cigarette. And, it was just plain tobacco. No burn, no sting, no nothing. Now all this was happening over the course of many years. Soon, the only time I didn't have a dip in was when I was eating or sleeping. I could drink with it in. I could swallow the juice IF I had to although I didn't like to. Family and friends urged me to quit but I was just too hooked to quit AND I enjoyed it. Dip was my friend. It was always there to "help" me get through what ever was happening. I couldn't imagine not doing it. It was a part of me. It was who I was. All my pants had a ring pressed into the fabric from that little tin can that was always in my front right pocket. But something started changing inside of me in 2008. Copenhagen was now about 5.00 a can. I was doing a can a day. I was constantly stopping at the store to buy it. I went to work making sure I had enough to get me through the work day AND would stop to get a can if I wasn't sure. I came to realize that I really couldn't quit anytime I wanted to like I had told myself since I was 16. I had become a slave to this little can and I would do ANYTHING to have. It was my master and it had complete control of me. I had been seeing some adds in the local paper for some organization called Tobacco Free Florida. They offered free help to help people quit smoking (or chewing). I toyed with the idea for awhile. Is it possible for me to quit? Could I do it? How could I ever say goodbye to my longtime friend? Just thinking about it would cause me to start shaking. BUT, could I do it? I decided to call and I did. I spoke with a very nice
lady named Meridith. She explained the program to me. I decided on a quit date. They would send me nicotine gum or the patch to help me kick the habit totally free of charge. All I had to do was stay in contact with them with a once a week phone call and they would mail me two weeks worth of gum or patches. Now, she said, lets pick your stop date. I was speechless for a few seconds. Was I really going to do this? Did I want to do this? I didn't know but I thought what the @#&!, its all free and I can at least try. So, we set a date. I chose to quit on my first of two days off from work. June 2nd, 2008. It was three weeks away so I had a little time to "prepare" myself to quit. I went online and found a quit chew support website that I joined. It had a calculator on it that kept track of how much money you were saving as your quit days built up and one for keeping track of how many days you had quit. In a little while I received my first box of patches. I found out they had three different strengths. I had just received the strongest ones. 21 milligrams of nicotine on each patch. Id wear these for four weeks, then drop down to a 14 milligram, then end on a 7 milligram. Soon, the big day was upon me. Before I went to bed the night before I packed a fat one in and I thought, well, this is it. I'm turning my back on my best friend. I was having one last get together with my buddy. Soon I spit him out, threw my half empty can in the trash and went to bed. The next morning I logged on my quit chew website and logged on. The site encouraged us all to log in each day, state what day you were on and write some kind of positive message for the others. I did all that, then went and put my first patch on. By the end of that first day I was dying. I thought I must have got a defective batch of patches. I swore there was no way they could have nicotine on or in them. If they did I certainly wasn't getting any. I hurt. My head throbbed. I felt sick. I went to bed early just so I could get some relief from the pain. Anyone that has never been addicted to nicotine just doesn't understand how powerful a addiction it is. Day two was worse. I literally felt like I was dying. Meridith had promised to call me on my second day of quitting which she did. She made the mistake of asking me how I was doing. That's when I unloaded on her. I proceeded to tongue lash her, her program, the defective patches and myself for ever attempting something this stupid. She listened to me and said Ren, ya got to get through this and you can. I said I couldn't. She repeated that I could. Stay with it, it will get better. I said I would try and we hung up. As the day went on I got worse. I remember I laid down on the sofa and I was deep in the throes of withdrawal. I was burning up with fever, my eyes were on fire, I had chills, I was as sick as I had ever been. Then, my kids walked in the door. They had just got home from school and when they saw me they knew I was hurting. I'll never forget as long as I live both Emily and Lorenzo coming over there and rubbing on me and telling me they knew I could do this and I could beat this. They hugged me, told me they loved me. I think I cried. And that's when I got mad. Mad at myself for allowing something to have such a powerful grip on me. Mad that all these years I thought of dip and cigarettes as my friends. Mad that I had spent thousands of dollars doing this to myself. I had had my doubts about doing this but now I was determined I would beat this. Tobacco wasn't my friend. It was my enemy and I was fighting back. Well, by the grace of
God I did get through it. The worse was over after about a week but for the longest time the cravings would sneak in and I would think man, just one. But no way. After what I went through to quit? No way would I EVER take another drag or put in another pinch. Looking back, thank you Emily and Lorenzo. Without your encouragement I don't think I would have been able to do it. Oh yeah, and by the way, I'm not really counting the days still. My calculator on my quit chew website is. And that money amount? At a very conservative 4.50 a can and a can a day that adds up to 4,495.50 since I quit. I can't wait till my 2000th day!
lady named Meridith. She explained the program to me. I decided on a quit date. They would send me nicotine gum or the patch to help me kick the habit totally free of charge. All I had to do was stay in contact with them with a once a week phone call and they would mail me two weeks worth of gum or patches. Now, she said, lets pick your stop date. I was speechless for a few seconds. Was I really going to do this? Did I want to do this? I didn't know but I thought what the @#&!, its all free and I can at least try. So, we set a date. I chose to quit on my first of two days off from work. June 2nd, 2008. It was three weeks away so I had a little time to "prepare" myself to quit. I went online and found a quit chew support website that I joined. It had a calculator on it that kept track of how much money you were saving as your quit days built up and one for keeping track of how many days you had quit. In a little while I received my first box of patches. I found out they had three different strengths. I had just received the strongest ones. 21 milligrams of nicotine on each patch. Id wear these for four weeks, then drop down to a 14 milligram, then end on a 7 milligram. Soon, the big day was upon me. Before I went to bed the night before I packed a fat one in and I thought, well, this is it. I'm turning my back on my best friend. I was having one last get together with my buddy. Soon I spit him out, threw my half empty can in the trash and went to bed. The next morning I logged on my quit chew website and logged on. The site encouraged us all to log in each day, state what day you were on and write some kind of positive message for the others. I did all that, then went and put my first patch on. By the end of that first day I was dying. I thought I must have got a defective batch of patches. I swore there was no way they could have nicotine on or in them. If they did I certainly wasn't getting any. I hurt. My head throbbed. I felt sick. I went to bed early just so I could get some relief from the pain. Anyone that has never been addicted to nicotine just doesn't understand how powerful a addiction it is. Day two was worse. I literally felt like I was dying. Meridith had promised to call me on my second day of quitting which she did. She made the mistake of asking me how I was doing. That's when I unloaded on her. I proceeded to tongue lash her, her program, the defective patches and myself for ever attempting something this stupid. She listened to me and said Ren, ya got to get through this and you can. I said I couldn't. She repeated that I could. Stay with it, it will get better. I said I would try and we hung up. As the day went on I got worse. I remember I laid down on the sofa and I was deep in the throes of withdrawal. I was burning up with fever, my eyes were on fire, I had chills, I was as sick as I had ever been. Then, my kids walked in the door. They had just got home from school and when they saw me they knew I was hurting. I'll never forget as long as I live both Emily and Lorenzo coming over there and rubbing on me and telling me they knew I could do this and I could beat this. They hugged me, told me they loved me. I think I cried. And that's when I got mad. Mad at myself for allowing something to have such a powerful grip on me. Mad that all these years I thought of dip and cigarettes as my friends. Mad that I had spent thousands of dollars doing this to myself. I had had my doubts about doing this but now I was determined I would beat this. Tobacco wasn't my friend. It was my enemy and I was fighting back. Well, by the grace of
God I did get through it. The worse was over after about a week but for the longest time the cravings would sneak in and I would think man, just one. But no way. After what I went through to quit? No way would I EVER take another drag or put in another pinch. Looking back, thank you Emily and Lorenzo. Without your encouragement I don't think I would have been able to do it. Oh yeah, and by the way, I'm not really counting the days still. My calculator on my quit chew website is. And that money amount? At a very conservative 4.50 a can and a can a day that adds up to 4,495.50 since I quit. I can't wait till my 2000th day!
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