What is going on with all these disturbing reports of people attacking and munching down on other people? The most famous one happened here in Miami a few weeks ago. The one where the naked, crazy guy attacked the homeless man and was chowing down on his face?? How deranged is that? Pretty sick and scary! I've read that some new drug out there is responsible for those sickos that are doing this. Bath salts they are calling it. Bath salts? Was the guy who comes up with names for new drugs on vacation that week when this one came out? Can you score a ounce of "Salt" at Bath and Body works? Anyway, supposedly people that ingest the drug become violent and apparently very hungry. But my daughter has a different theory. She, and apparently lots of other young people, are saying we are on the verge of a zombie apocalypse. Some kind of virus has been released into the air that will soon turn the human race into flesh craving zombies. Don't believe me? Google zombie apocalypse and see what comes up. The
CDC even issued a warning and gave instructions on what to do in case of a zombie onslaught. Read it for yourself if you don't believe me. Now I have watched all the George Romeo zombie movies and enjoyed them actually BUT, do I believe this could happen? NO, I don't. But then the other day I got to thinking, what if Emily and all the other zombie apocalypse theory people were right? What if I caught the virus and turned into one of those night/day/ morning/ noon of the living dead zombies? Being the somewhat picky eater that I am I can't see myself running down the street and grabbing the first non zombie person I could get my hands on and just start throwing down. Would my victim pause and stop fighting with me as I said a blessing? Then continue to resist again when I was done? Also I obsess sometimes about cleanliness and germs. I would never attack a homeless person out of fear of food poisoning of some kind. It would definitely have to be a recently showered or bathed person. Which then brings the question of what kind of person to eat? Couldn't be a Hispanic. They are all very fiery and spicy and spicy foods can give me heartburn and indigestion. A Asian? I'm sure if I attacked and ate one of them I'd be hungry again a hour later. A white guy? Nah, to bland and would probably taste like chicken anyway. And that brings up another thing. Definitely would have to be a woman. Attacking and eating a man would just be to gross. How about a black woman? Really, I shouldn't. Too much brown sugar and I'm trying to cut back on sweets plus I wouldn't want to get older and be a insulin dependent zombie later on in life. Indians? Shouldn't eat over 8 ounces of red meat a week so I would have to be careful there. Moderation is definitely key here. Then there's the decision to make on WHERE to attack. Definite no no's would be at the Walmart. Victims there would have to much body fat and my cholesterol would skyrocket, plus there's my arteries to consider. Also would probably come down with ink poisoning from eating all the tattoo covered flesh. The one upside would be that
they would be easy to catch as they rode around on half dead battery operated scooters while slamming and banging into isles and other people. Outside in the complex where I live? Nope. They have a zero tolerance policy on rowdiness and harassment so I'd end up evicted AND would forfeit my deposit. How about at Disney where I work. No way! First off, all the foods I was trying to avoid work there. Second, attacking a guest would result in automatic termination and then I couldn't pay the rent for my place at the complex that I don't want to get kicked out of to begin with! Having to think of all these different scenarios of what I would do makes my head hurt so bad that I'm beginning to think I might just be coming down with the zombie virus. And if I am, maybe I'll just do like I've always done with my fingernails and just chew on myself!
CDC even issued a warning and gave instructions on what to do in case of a zombie onslaught. Read it for yourself if you don't believe me. Now I have watched all the George Romeo zombie movies and enjoyed them actually BUT, do I believe this could happen? NO, I don't. But then the other day I got to thinking, what if Emily and all the other zombie apocalypse theory people were right? What if I caught the virus and turned into one of those night/day/ morning/ noon of the living dead zombies? Being the somewhat picky eater that I am I can't see myself running down the street and grabbing the first non zombie person I could get my hands on and just start throwing down. Would my victim pause and stop fighting with me as I said a blessing? Then continue to resist again when I was done? Also I obsess sometimes about cleanliness and germs. I would never attack a homeless person out of fear of food poisoning of some kind. It would definitely have to be a recently showered or bathed person. Which then brings the question of what kind of person to eat? Couldn't be a Hispanic. They are all very fiery and spicy and spicy foods can give me heartburn and indigestion. A Asian? I'm sure if I attacked and ate one of them I'd be hungry again a hour later. A white guy? Nah, to bland and would probably taste like chicken anyway. And that brings up another thing. Definitely would have to be a woman. Attacking and eating a man would just be to gross. How about a black woman? Really, I shouldn't. Too much brown sugar and I'm trying to cut back on sweets plus I wouldn't want to get older and be a insulin dependent zombie later on in life. Indians? Shouldn't eat over 8 ounces of red meat a week so I would have to be careful there. Moderation is definitely key here. Then there's the decision to make on WHERE to attack. Definite no no's would be at the Walmart. Victims there would have to much body fat and my cholesterol would skyrocket, plus there's my arteries to consider. Also would probably come down with ink poisoning from eating all the tattoo covered flesh. The one upside would be that
they would be easy to catch as they rode around on half dead battery operated scooters while slamming and banging into isles and other people. Outside in the complex where I live? Nope. They have a zero tolerance policy on rowdiness and harassment so I'd end up evicted AND would forfeit my deposit. How about at Disney where I work. No way! First off, all the foods I was trying to avoid work there. Second, attacking a guest would result in automatic termination and then I couldn't pay the rent for my place at the complex that I don't want to get kicked out of to begin with! Having to think of all these different scenarios of what I would do makes my head hurt so bad that I'm beginning to think I might just be coming down with the zombie virus. And if I am, maybe I'll just do like I've always done with my fingernails and just chew on myself!
Just loved it!!!!!!!
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