Choices

It's a hard thing to go from being married and then going through the painful process of divorce. Your suddenly torn from everything you once believed your life was. You suddenly realize those plans you had ain't gonna be happening. The dreams you once dreamed come crashing down around you. You try to keep your head up and move on and you do. You learn how to do things that your partner did, and likewise for them. You get a crash course real quick on how to do the things that your ex did when you were married. Things I never did but have had to learn to do, things like paying and juggling the bills. THAT'S a tough one, let me tell ya. Or any kind of clothes shopping. My work shoes are literally falling apart but I dread the thought of going and trying on new ones. It's hard to keep a clean house. I don't usually dust until I can't see whatever the dust is covering. I've always liked to cook so that's no big deal. But the one hardest thing for me that I now have to do would be this, having to buy toilet paper at the store. Really! I despise it! It usually happens like this. I'm pushing my cart around the store, usually Walmart (which is another story in its self) and I venture down the "Paper Products" isle. I maneuver my cart down through the isle and it's always packed with people. I finally get to the toilet paper section and I'm blown away by all the choices! I see 2 ply, 3 ply, textured, no texture, aloe infused, scented, unscented, single roll, double roll. Why does it have to be so difficult? Then I have to start comparing prices so that starts taking time. I end up standing there looking at the prices and choice's and start to get that overwhelmed feeling. I notice other shoppers strolling by and grabbing a certain brand and type without even stopping. And I KNOW everyone else is looking at me and thinking, Look at this poor guy, must be recently divorced. I'm suddenly aware that all the different brands want me to think that theirs will be the softest choice just by their name. Names like Angel Soft, White Cloud, Cottenelle, Quilted Northern, and Charmin Ultra Soft. Where's the Sandpaper Plus? Or the Super Abrasive brand? Where's the Brawny Wood Chopper dudes brand? He has paper towels, right? Then comes the decision on how big a pack to buy. If I get one that has six or more rolls in it I'm afraid people will think I spend to much time in the bathroom. Think to themselves, "Look, that guy must really be a big crapper, look at that mega-pack of toilet paper he's buying". On the other hand, get the small pack and I'll have to be doing this again very soon. Do I want the lotion or aloe infused? That sounds nice but then people might think I suffer from hemorrhoids or irritable bowel syndrome so I just stick with the regular kind. I usually go middle of the road and grab a 4 roll pack, hurry and put in it my cart and head up to check out. When I get to the registers I do a quick scan and see what cashier would be the least embarrassing for me to check out with. I usually choose a guy. If there's not a guy working I try for the least attractive woman. I certainly don't want someone my age that looks good and I have to put TOILET PAPER up on the conveyor thingy and she has to pick it up and slide it over the the thing that reads the price. I just know she'll be thinking "loser" when she does. A man on the other hand will probably slide it over the price reader and think to himself "Hum, good choice. Same kind I use". Sometimes I wanna say something like "This is for my neighbor, he asked me to pick him up some since I was coming to the store". When they are done ringing me up and they give me my total due only then do I take my dark sunglasses off so I can see the debit card swipee and I quickly slide my card, enter in my numbers, get my receipt and scram! When I get to the point when I can buy toilet paper comfortably in the store then I will know I'm on my way to being a whole and complete person again.